When life hits me hard, I fall hard, and will later try to come back again

March 2, 2017

This might be an overused line but seriously, being a mom is no joke.
But it is the most rewarding situation to be in.

I rarely make personal blog posts but it's nice to do it sometimes, cos, somewhere out there, you'l have a few readers who secretly can relate to you. But, this can bore you to death so you just might want to skip this. I'm just letting this out. :)

My February wasn't great at all. My anxieties kept me from writing new blog posts. I focused on taking care of Arya while working from home. And of course Korean drama marathon!

The thing is, I've been a lot of difficulty sleeping lately. I've been exhausted, worrying and thinking so much over the past month. I've always this kind of woman who plans ahead I usually have plans a - z in my head. But, I sort of didn't see what's coming so I failed to make a plan.

I have been dreading the moment I stop working from home. It has been a wonderful 6 months of not dealing with traffic, waking beside Arya and putting her back to sleep, feeding, and taking care of her while working on the side has been my routine. Sadly, my contract is ending soon and so I have to make a decision whether to go back and find a full-time 8 hour job again. sigh...

I don't want to leave Arya. That's the thing that depresses me. I don't want to miss her milestones. I don't want to miss her. I don't want to leave my baby. I don't want to start working again and only seeing her at night or weekend. I. DON't. WANT. THAT

But, do I have a choice, really? NO.

I saved a lot actually from working from home. Enough to finally bought us a family car, which was our goal. But the change of things really frustrates me and I don't have a plan. YET.

I'm this kind of woman who feels completely useless when I don't have a job.That contributes a lot to my anxieties. I hate it when I don't contribute. I hate it when I feel like I have to worry about the future. ugh...i hate it, i hate it.

I've been really struggling hard. But, I think it's time for me to move on from all the negative energy cos it's really eating me up.

I am looking at my options, weighing them and it feels like it's not that bad. 

Being raised by a single mom who rocks, btw.  I have this automatic button and thinking of I have to provide for my family. (my husband do have a job that pays well too.) I am not comfortable with not earning or not being able to contribute. I think I got it from my mom who works so hard to raise us and to provide for us. I thank her, fully!

It's just funny, cos this afternoon, I went out to take care of our passport documents. I really feel stressed out and exhausted so I found myself walking into one of my fav massage salons. I just went in and had the most wonderful Swedish massage. It was so good you can have a massage-gasm. LOL I never felt so relaxed in the longest time. I even found myself singing in the showers when I got back home.

I told myself to stop harboring all the negative thoughts and just go with the flow. Welcome whatever life brings, and if it's really bad, cry it out, lock yourself up in a room, and wait until you can fully accept the situation and changes. That's what I did. It just took me a bit over a month. But, I'm slowly trying to manage the changes now so...yeah.

BTW, there's going to be a lot of things going on for me starting this month so you all better watch out for the upcoming blog posts. :) I'm really trying to keep up with all my backlogs hehe.

Anywhoo, cheers to you, cheers to us for being mom warriors. We're not perfect. We all have problems, let's try not to be eaten by them. After all, we have little ones looking our for us.

Rookie Mommy PH - this too shall pass.

1 comment on "When life hits me hard, I fall hard, and will later try to come back again"
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